This afternoon between classes, I laid down for a nap, and proceeded to have one of the most exhausting nightmares in recent memory. I woke up and I was visibly shaken and disoriented. It took me an hour to return to my body. I was that upset.

Through Spiritual Desolation:

Desolation can appear in another form. There are people who have a great need to be affirmed and easily attribute small spiritual results to their own merits, They think that, since they have always been good at everything, they must be doing well even in this, and even more the results they see in their spiritual lives must be a result of their own efforts. The risk is that we could lock ourselves up in our egos and base our spiritual lives on feelings. It is then that the Lord can leave us in solitude, in emptiness, so that we realize that it is God’s grace that enflames our hearts and that only through the gift of love can we reach the taste of love…

Discernment, Acquiring the Heart of God…

I am at a stopping point in my studies until I can work through this next portion of text with my mentor and teacher. It is difficult at times to think that I am on a solitary journey with my God, yet I crave for that connection to another, and it seems, in the quiet hours of the night, when all is still and calm, that my heart is wanting to beat out of my chest. I sat in this space last night during my meditation and for a few moments I had lost my mind, was it because I was unsure of myself, was I unsure of my prayers or that I had not measured up to some standard written about in some book?

The Rule of Ignatius is a tough path, and I am trying to digest it as if I am eating an elephant, one piece at a time. I know that now I must stop and reflect more on the reading and seek insight for the teaching. Because my heart seems nervous, and my soul is not at rest. Seeing that today I am having nightmares again…

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Pain as Awakener

All of us face physical, mental, and emotional pain in the course of our daily lives. Physical pain confronts us in obvious forms. Mental pain manifests as worries, regrets, contradiction, and confusion. Emotional pain comes as some variation of fear, sorrow, or anger. Whatever the form, pain generates the impulse to change, and serves to wake us sleepers from our dreams.

Pain is the most heeded of doctors;
to goodness and wisdom
we only make promises;
we obey pain…
Marcel Proust

Pain of any kind gives us feedback about something that needs our attention – about our physical habits, about our beliefs, about our emotions. Adversity can be a gift, because it offers us two clear choices: Suffer the consequences of stagnation, or face the challenge of change.

I admire those who can smile in times of trouble,
who can gather strength from distress
and who grow brave by reflection.
Thomas Paine

We can tolerate pain for a long time. Fearing the unknown territory of transformation, we may choose familiar suffering for years. We may continue to cope with dysfunctional relationships, numbing or dehumanizing work, or other life denying situations.

Though Spirit has compassion and patience, life is a stern teacher; pain, if unattended or masked continues to grow, until change or madness become our only choices.

At that crisis point, when there’s no other option but futile resistance, if we choose the warriors path, we go through the pain, like a dark bank of clouds, and emerge in a place of clarity; we come out from our hiding place and find the will to heal our lives. Most of all, we never give up.

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Understanding Suffering

Spirit guides us in ways that our conscious self can’t always understand or accept. for example, some people are challenged with physical ailments that send them on a long search to heal themselves. Only later do they realize that what seemed like pure adversity at the time really offered precisely the education they needed to become a resource for others, and to live out their purpose as healers.

Sometimes our suffering enables us to understand the suffering of others. Along with the pain of illness or injuries comes the blessing of compassion. I’ve always found a gift hidden in every adversity. That doesn’t make adversity any easier; it only makes it more meaningful.

Sometimes a health issue can be cured; other times, it will not improve much, for God’s own reasons, and we can only practice acceptance, and make this challenge part of our training.

Pain, whether in body, mind, or emotions, is a fire storm that purifies all in its path, clearing old karmas and teaching new lessons. Don’t seek pain, but when it comes, the path out of the fire reveals hard-earned wisdom. Giving birth involves labor pains, even when we are the ones being reborn.

What is to give light must endure burning
Viktor Frankl

Suffering happens, but it doesn’t last forever, and every pain endured contains a lesson to be learned. A warrior’s perspective can help us to understand and accept the natural cycle of good times and bad times, and to appreciate the uses of both.

But when the going gets tough, we want to feel better, to stop hurting; we want life to get easier. When we’re struggling in the quicksand, we don’t want encouraging words – we want a tree branch or a rope! Sometimes, however, a word, or a phrase, or an uplifting idea are all we have to hang onto…